I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
