Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
