I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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