Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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