I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
