At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
