Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
