Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
