I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
