phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
