This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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