Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
