i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
