I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
worst night to have a conscience
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
