Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
