K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
