i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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