I just cut my nipple shaving
He uses pillows to masturbate.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
