College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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