how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
