6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
