i used baking grease as lip gloss
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
