im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have post one night stand depression
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
