The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
