i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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