I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
