well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
