Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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