wat bout pragnant strippers??
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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