The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize