Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
