Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
