dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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