then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it because I queefed?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
