i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
