is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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