It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
