Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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