Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
