so let's talk penis.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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