I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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