I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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