I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
