Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
