if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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