I like my sex mixed with concussions.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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