I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
