I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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