The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
