Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
