how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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