I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize