i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
