we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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