I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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