do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my sisters under your porch take her home
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
