You can't special order awesome
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
