You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
